How I got here, part 1.
So, who is this wierdo anyway?
I'm Sarah, 28, married, and one semester away from finishing my Master of Library Science. My spiritual life has been...varied, to say the least. I grew up in a very nice methodist church here in the buckle of the bible belt, and quickly became the chatty little kid in the front of the sunday school classroom who asked the uncomfortable questions about the day's lessons--Envision Hermione Granger with a theological bent and you have the general notion. For personal reasons too...well...involved to get into here, I've never doubted the existence of god. My whole life I've felt a burning need to understand as much about the nature of Deity as possible, and do something Big to repay a massive debt I instinctively felt like I owed by virtue of my IQ, my outgoing nature, and just the fact that I existed at all.
My church, while not fundamentalist by any stretch of the imagination, had quite a charismatic streak in its youth group (my confirmation teacher was the sort of guy who could talk about laying hands on his wonky carbureator with a straight face), and I jumped headlong into christian rock concerts, "end times" bible studies, mission trips and church camps. I was going to be the best christian I could be, pray hard, and I would be rewarded. This phase of my life climaxed in the summer after 7th grade, when I was simultaneously wrestling with depression, and feeling guilty that I was having so many problems fitting in with the other "christian" kids. I was at bible camp, and the rest of the popular girls in my cabin were having a makeup fest and gossip session inside. I didn't want to go in to be shunned, so I was standing out on the porch on that warm tuesday night after evening service, praying as hard as i could to be told what i was supposed to to in order to stop hurting and be good enough for myself and my peers and God.
What happened next is beyond words.
The camp was set at the bottom of a red rock canyon. At the top of the ridge across from my cabin was an illuminated cross, about 10 feet high. The full moon had just raised above it. All I can explain was that my cry was answered, and for the first time I understood that God was something to be loved not feared, and that perfect love was given to every one of every faith.
And then God spoke, and called me to ordained ministry.
I was a 13 year old female geek from inner redneckia who FINALLY had a great testimony and was ready to tell it to anyone who would listen. My life was about to become very interesting indeed.
Next week: Part two, in which our heroine is quoted 1 Corinthians 14: 34-35 ad nauseum by the cute baptist boy in geology, gets hit up by the local mormons, falls in love with the high school bible club president who won't dance but is all for pre-marital sex, and hangs out with the club VP, a "cured" homosexual who sings Chaka Khan in a falsetto voice in the lunch line...
That's it for this week, from
The Episcobrarian
I'm Sarah, 28, married, and one semester away from finishing my Master of Library Science. My spiritual life has been...varied, to say the least. I grew up in a very nice methodist church here in the buckle of the bible belt, and quickly became the chatty little kid in the front of the sunday school classroom who asked the uncomfortable questions about the day's lessons--Envision Hermione Granger with a theological bent and you have the general notion. For personal reasons too...well...involved to get into here, I've never doubted the existence of god. My whole life I've felt a burning need to understand as much about the nature of Deity as possible, and do something Big to repay a massive debt I instinctively felt like I owed by virtue of my IQ, my outgoing nature, and just the fact that I existed at all.
My church, while not fundamentalist by any stretch of the imagination, had quite a charismatic streak in its youth group (my confirmation teacher was the sort of guy who could talk about laying hands on his wonky carbureator with a straight face), and I jumped headlong into christian rock concerts, "end times" bible studies, mission trips and church camps. I was going to be the best christian I could be, pray hard, and I would be rewarded. This phase of my life climaxed in the summer after 7th grade, when I was simultaneously wrestling with depression, and feeling guilty that I was having so many problems fitting in with the other "christian" kids. I was at bible camp, and the rest of the popular girls in my cabin were having a makeup fest and gossip session inside. I didn't want to go in to be shunned, so I was standing out on the porch on that warm tuesday night after evening service, praying as hard as i could to be told what i was supposed to to in order to stop hurting and be good enough for myself and my peers and God.
What happened next is beyond words.
The camp was set at the bottom of a red rock canyon. At the top of the ridge across from my cabin was an illuminated cross, about 10 feet high. The full moon had just raised above it. All I can explain was that my cry was answered, and for the first time I understood that God was something to be loved not feared, and that perfect love was given to every one of every faith.
And then God spoke, and called me to ordained ministry.
I was a 13 year old female geek from inner redneckia who FINALLY had a great testimony and was ready to tell it to anyone who would listen. My life was about to become very interesting indeed.
Next week: Part two, in which our heroine is quoted 1 Corinthians 14: 34-35 ad nauseum by the cute baptist boy in geology, gets hit up by the local mormons, falls in love with the high school bible club president who won't dance but is all for pre-marital sex, and hangs out with the club VP, a "cured" homosexual who sings Chaka Khan in a falsetto voice in the lunch line...
That's it for this week, from
The Episcobrarian
posted by Sarah Clark at 2:01 PM
3 Comments:
Hi, I just found your blog and LOVE the title!
I'd love to hear the rest of your story. I'm wondering if you are still feeling called to ordained ministry...
Shame on people who quote that 1st Corinthians passage...
By the way. I married the cute fundamentalist guy who used to quote things like that to me, and now he's an Episcopalian and is supporting my plans to become a priest. Go figure. :-)
Have you found the RevGals webring yet? It's a group of almost 100 female clergy, wanna be clergy, and their friends. Check it out sometime!
Sounds like a fascinating story! I look forward to Parts IIff.
RevGals webring? have seen, haven't joined. will have to take care of this. As my post today indicated, life's been a little crazy, but I promise here that I will get my spiritual life under a bit more control--and that includes sharing the rest of my promised bio. As to whether I'm still called--that sort of gives away the end of the story, but the current answer I'm getting from the Holy Spirit is "not yet..." At minimum, I still have more to learn from lay life.
Post a Comment
<< Home